I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
