We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
