I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
