Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
