i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"