Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.