Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.