Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex