My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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