Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.