when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis