I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
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no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.