chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
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So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.