Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize