She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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