When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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