Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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