forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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