my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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