Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
