you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
