So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
