He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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