Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
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He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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