honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
