Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
