Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
