My hand turned me down
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.