I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was