Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.