Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
