im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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