I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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