You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
