You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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