Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
