She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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