My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
