Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I could make wine with my vomit
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you had me at cake vodka
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize