I bet he comes in French.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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