you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
