I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i used baking grease as lip gloss
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
