I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
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The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
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I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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