Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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