Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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