I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just invented taco cereal.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza