He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends