chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.