Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
