I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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