i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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