people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.