Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.