This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.