Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
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I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
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Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.