I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
