My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
