Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do vagina's smell?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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