I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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