dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
