you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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