my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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