You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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