At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
